what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
