Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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