You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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