I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
