So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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