I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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