the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
