walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
