walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
