i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
