Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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