Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
