Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
