Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
