Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He kissed a someone with a penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As shirtless as possible
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
