We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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