he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
