You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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