Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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