Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
