Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
