Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
