oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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