My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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