he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
