erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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