so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dignity is for republicans.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
