Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
