Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
