If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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