I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
