looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
