toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The maid of honor just puked.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
