those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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