But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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