So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
