Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
