i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You are the jesus of drinking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
