That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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