You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
