Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
