Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
