just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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