Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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