And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
