FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
