Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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