And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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