Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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