Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
