I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
