If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
