absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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