Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
